In the privacy of your horse drawn carriage,you take out a dollar bill.You look around to make sure no one is intruding into your world,then you hold it infront of your nose and sniff the crisp emerald note.As the fragrance of wealth blankets upon your senses,you think "God bless those poor souls at Wall Street,".Later,you put it back,surreptiously prowling for audiences to see your act.Ah,you spot a few strangers,expressing bewilderment at your mental instability."Good,"you think.
Now,you glance at last week's headline.It intrigues you so you pick it up and commence poring over the article by Harrold Davidson again.It breaks your heart.It cringes and hurts."Death!Death!Death!"It booms in your ears."God bless Atticus Finch and Tom Robinson," mutters you under your breath.
Now,you feel a pang of guilt.You see,you've felt it before,this sense of guilt.
Remember the day you strolled past the alley?Remember how you walked away from Derek Smith's screams?Remember how you witnessed Elliot Winconstin-that bloody white monster-assaulting him?How he relished in raining punches onto that poor fellow's petrified face?How he sneered at Derek Smith's beg for mercy?You stood there for what seemed like eternity and saw his battered face,his tear stained eyes as that savage beast made him plead.He begged.He beat.He cried.He smiled as he admired his work of art-cold crimson blood tricking down that black's pale lips,the uneven colour tone of his face,the shades of an intangible sense of fear and resignment of his beating pulse and splashes of that poor son's shrill sobs depicting his sorry plight-and laughed.
Rage diffused into your bloodstream,sparking fiery indignance as you cursed those twisted fools.
Repugnant! Soon,you feel sick.It feels like you've consumed curd that wraps around your stomach,extending its claws against,your organ leaving behind a trail of putrid mush in its path of destruction.However,you failed to stop this despicable crime.
Because I'm a white.Because I'm a white.Because I'm a white.Because I'm a white.Because I'm a coward.Because I just am.Later,you drown your sorrow and overwhelming guilt-it eats into your very conscience,digesting your last bits of sanity and innocence-
Did I have one in the first place?-in gulps of Moors Beer.The bitter taste of alcohol trickles down your throat,like how you trickle down into pity's oesophagus.
I pity myself for feeling this way.It tastes horrible.You weren't like that.Once,indignation burned in your soul,it was embedded in your heart.You love these people.You felt resentment towards your own
(heh,were they even my own?).Now,you're just this piece of worn out garment,discarded into the trash bin.You were once so pretty.Ladies swooned over your intricate embellishments parted with stacks of cash because your cut embraced their curves and flaunted their shapely limbs.Their husbands moaned at the ache that tugs at their pockets,you were worth so much,pretty piece of garment.Secretly,they enjoyed seeing their wives in such beautiful pieces.They loved it too.You were once like that,remember?
The carriage pulls to a halt.Edward Culen,your driver,informs you that you've reached the court.
Sir,we've reached already.He clambers down his seat to open the door for you.
Here you go sir.You smile in return,grateful for his effort.
Here you go sir.I'll be waiting for you here,sir.Immediately,you're assailed by interminable flashes of cameras and cries of "Look here!Look here!" "Reporters",you sigh.
Mr Raymond,what do you think of this?Here Mr Raymond,sir,what say you?Good day Mr Raymond,what do you think of the current financial state?Will it improve? The smell of perspiration and bacon aggravates the receptors in your nose.You sneeze.All you can see is an undulating wave of people,massive crowds thronging the area,people crammed like sardines as the square burst with a myriad of faces.On the left,you see the blacks
(friends!),keeping to themselves,failing to respond to the demeaning remarks by the whites(
my people). On the right,you see the whites with their immaculate hair,polished shoes and synthetic smiles as well as concerned faces of the well-meaning folks.
Papa!Papa!Your daughter runs into your arms.You hug her,glad that she still retains her blissful state of ignorance.You spot your Christine waving frantically at you with her taut arms.(
She still looks so pretty. Her smile defies description.She was your only way of escape.So you went that way.)You held your Jessie's tiny hand in yours as you walked together towards the left,promising her ice-cream after this boring long speech by sleepy Mr Taylor.
Christine reunites with her daughter.Now,you get ready to enter the court.
You step in.Your insides tingle as anticipation boils in you.You take your seat.You see Judge Taylor with his white wig and long robe.He bangs his gravel.
Court is commenced.